Is THIS the next President of YOUR United States of America!?!?!?!?!?!?

Well, friends... he finally did it... finally gave America the big FUCK YOU he promised he would...

"The symbiotic relationship of the incompetence of the President matched with the malfeasance of the Congressional Republicans is dooming us to certain ruin and handing this country over to the vultures!!! It is THEY that have forced MY hand!!! I can no longer allow this to continue!!! I will not see my country junked, broken and stripped for parts!!! Picked away at by the carrion crows of corporation!! I will not see it sold away bit by bit to the highest bidders!!! I will not allow us to be sold away by those who have already sold themselves!!! I will reclaim this nation in the name of humanity for YES we do still exist here!!! And so it is with massive self-assurance and gigantic cocksurance that I accept my self-nomination for President of the United Fucking States of America!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU BOEHNERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And there you have it. Just a snippet of the speech's final moments is what you'll find here. It's all we had the stomach for here at BIG Mayhem. You can read the whole garbled mass of nonsense elsewhere on the web if you wish. And yes, he did actually say "gigantic cocksurance" in the speech, which was made before a crowd of foaming degenerates and inebriates last night in Madison, WI (which is apparently the current ground zero of anarcho-socialist sentiment in the country).

The event was a sickening display. Attended by misguided Wisconsinites and outsiders, along with a vast range of supporters that ran the gamut of far-left lunatics in Hollywood, academia, journalism and government. The streets were flooded with booze and excrement as the revelers, with no regard for the laws of God or man celebrated in the streets upon the announcement from their beloved Grand Minister. The decadence and depravity went on into the evening until The Ministry retired with their "comrades" in the liberal elite to a secret after party which we can only assume was accompanied by all the usual Ministry refinement to an orgy in Ancient Rome.

Meanwhile, the Ministry's Chief Drunken Communist whatever Colum O'Connolly has been campaigning hard to drum up support for The Ministry's Presidential Age Appropriateness and Naturalized Citizenship Anti-Discrimination Act. If passed the bill would ratify a new amendment to the Constitution rendering key aspects of Article II Section 1 as null and void; primarily the requirements that a candidate for President be at least 35 years of age and a natural born citizen.

This is, without question, the single most inane proposal ever put forth by an American presidential candidate in the history of this country.

Has the whole world gone crazy!? Am I the only one who gives a shit about the Constitution?!

But this is what Adams wants, doesn't he? This is what he's ALWAYS wanted. Pure chaos and unfettered disaster. Heaping droves of dogshit to rain down upon this blessed land. Who knows what his ultimate aim might be? Maybe he thinks it's funny! Maybe he thinks it would be funny to see teenagers run for office!?! Or pre-schoolers!!! Or could it be... to see a GODDAMN ANCHOR BABY in the White House!?!?!?!? OH WAIT! I'M SORRY! It wouldn't even have to be an anchor baby because under this bill natural born citizenship would no longer be a requirement! It could be a baby BORN IN ANY FUCKING COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!!!

And while the age requirement is obviously a significant and hopefully, if this Congress has any worth, reason or shred of sense, insurmountable barrier against an Adams presidency, the Act's attempt to undo the natural born citizenship requirement for the office is believed to be for the purpose of Adams selecting O'Connolly as his running mate.

But we at BIG Mayhem are surmising differently...

The fact that his past remains shrouded in mystery and the desired passage of this bill all point to an obvious conclusion. One we've encountered before. Encountered with our CURRENT SITTING PRESIDENT. And who knows!? Perhaps their in cahoots right now! Perhaps this bill already has the full support of Obama because he's fearing that our courageous and unwavering birther groups will finally dig up something concrete on him? The truth is out there... we know it is...

And the truth about Adams is as well...

And while Grand Minister Adams' age remains as of yet uncertain, experts place him at somewhere in his mid-20's. You can rest assured, now that he's thrown his hat in the ring, we at BIG Mayhem won't be going quite as easy on him and his goons as before.

Not one... fucking... bit...